What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
16.06.2025 00:25
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I think the readers, may guess!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Do many women shave their vaginas?
And who doesn’t know suffering?
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
What did Rama tell Sita about Kaliyug?
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
But ive been too sick for many years..
Which branch of engineering is better: ECE or Civil?
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
She wouldn,t have been !
How do you write a letter to your uncle who sent you money for your birthday outfit?
This is soul school!.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I have no regrets .
I was seconnd youngest,
I write beautiful poetry .
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
What are some creepy bestiality-promoting questions obviously asked for sexual gratification?
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I was scared of men, in general
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I could never make a relationship work though!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Fallout Shelter has been downloaded over 230 million times in 10 years - Eurogamer
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Was to survive, this bastard.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Is it wise to SECRETLY expose a narcissist by telling others that he/she is a covert narcissist?
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
What is the funniest joke you've been told that you still think about to this day?
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Why do I feel so lazy every time I get into my room?
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Would this be the day?
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
We all went to grammer schools
Comes on , in middle age.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
As i do to all so called friends.?
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
He was dying to do it , i knew.
She loved him until the end.
He resisted the act ,that day.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I don,t even have a pension.
(And it was in our own minds.)
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I waited trembling.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Especially a lifetime of it.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Put me off passion for life!!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Im still living with it.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
She found it foreign!.
I said to her
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
What did i know ?
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I never cut or harmed myself..
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
When she asked me how she looked .
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
All the time i was locked up.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
We were not on the streets..
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
My family never makes their pension either.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Who then, do I blame.?
She married twice! .
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
It was going to be , some day.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I couldn’t, believe it.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
My life is so biszare .
One cannot live in the past .
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
But it wasn’t much.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
She was in good health!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Ive learnt so much.
And i lived it daily.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
He knew the spot.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
So, i spoilt her more .
I will be 64.
I was very sick at this time too.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
So whats the point in blame.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
But, we were locked up after school.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I was 9 years of age.